Writing with Depression

I’m going to be overly honest in this blog post, but I think it’s important. I’ve been in a horrific depressive slump since 17th January. How do I know the date? Because that was the day I finished my first draft.

I’ve had depression since I was a young teen (and I’m now coming up to my 30th birthday). It all stems from an instance of sexual abuse when I was 14, as well as what I think is a genetic disposition to the illness.


It’s the worst thing. I really feel like this is suffering – not the worst suffering in the world, but enough to make me contemplate taking my own life on a near daily basis.

I don’t know about anyone else, but being a writer with depression is tough. Writing is a solitary and difficult process anyway, but when you have depression, it feels even more difficult. The self-depreciation gets worse and worse. Every word becomes a stab to the heart.

Look, this is awful. You’re a failure at this, just like you’re a failure at life.”

Painful. Utterly painful.

Why am I writing this blog post? I suppose it’s a call out, a way of screeching from the top of a mountain.

I exist!”

Depression is something that a lot of us suffer from, and I wonder if the proportion of writers with depression is higher than in other areas.

So if you’re a writer with depression, sound off with me. We exist. We suffer.

But we’re still here.


IndiePub Adventures: Social Media – When You’re Anti-Social

You may have noticed that I disappeared from social media for a week. You may not have. Either way, I’d like to write about why I chose to remove myself from the online world for seven days.

Frankly, it was stress.


That sounds insane. Social networking is supposed to be all about making positive connections, about coming together and talking, having fun. For me, it wasn’t—and I don’t think it will be again.

This is because I find the marketing and networking side of writing so stressful.

Yes, I know. There are those of you who are now scoffing (“If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” and all that jazz). Unfortunately, the constant buzz and whistle of my phone as another Twitter notification pops up, or another reminder of a Facebook post, has proven to be intolerable.

I think it’s because it makes me feel like I’m falling behind.

I work a full time job as a teacher as well as being a writer, and it’s a stressful enough job on its own. It’s not the worst job on the planet, and I’m privileged to be able to do it. However, I’ve read so much online about marketing for writers, and about how you need to be online every day, always making connections and plugging your books.

For me, this is too much, on top of an already-social job. The reason? I’m a pretty anti-social person. I like my solitude. That’s part of the reason why I write so much, so fast. I love being stuck inside my characters’ heads and their world, finding out what happens next.

For someone like me, the constant ping of social media is barely tolerable. But so too is the thought of failure. I feel like I have to be online to try and claw my way into some kind of spotlight, but I never get there—and end up feeling suffocated by all the social media interaction that, sometimes, feels like an echo chamber. And like it’s going nowhere.

The idea of going nowhere links back to my point that you may not have noticed I was gone, because frankly, you probably didn’t. I’m like a little bubble in a big ocean: barely visible.

But still here.

IndiePub Adventures: Publishing Paperbacks (and other headaches)

Blogging a few days early because this Sunday is Christmas day!

My paperback went live on 18th December, and I detailed my proofing and creation process in the last post. All seemed well…


…until my copy arrived.

Ah! There was a problem with the margins, which meant an issue with the size of the type. It became minuet! And in comparison to the margins, it looked so awful in comparison to the margins.


I knew there was an issue, so I went back to the drawing board with my margins. Turned out, one of them was out by a whole inch (!) where I’d typed 1.53 instead of 0.53. Doy. At least it was an easy fix, and the proof files are awaiting their check by CreateSpace now so the paperback can go back on sale.

I like my text to be bigger so it’s more accessible for readers with eye issues–a little like myself! Small text might make book production cheaper, but in my experience, it’s less enjoyable to read.

Other changes I made included making the text on the spine blue instead of white, but the contrast wasn’t stark enough, so I’ve lightened the blue considerably in the next proof. It looks much brighter in the photograph than it does in reality. I also added a little snowflake to represent Emmy’s powers in the novel.


Other non-proof related news include the fact that my t-shirt and business cards have arrived! Just waiting on my banner and flyers and I’ll be all set for Belfast Film and Comic Con in March 2017. Very exciting!

So that’s it from me for 2016! Next blog post will likely be in 2017. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, have a great Kwanzaa, Yule, Saturnalia, Omisoka, and New Year–and whatever other holiday you may observe!

Stay safe, behave (within reason), and let’s hope that 2017 is a hell of a lot more positive.

Love, Ziv ❤

IndiePub Adventures – Formatting for Paperback

This week has been a very difficult one for me personally, but it has left me with plenty of time to get on with some of the less interesting parts of indie publishing: formatting the paperback. I’ll be using CreateSpace and referring to Microsoft Word, because at this point, that’s how I do my paperbacks.

An Introduction

Holy moly, if you can get someone to do this for you, DO IT! It is very difficult—not impossible, but difficult.

This post will walk you through the processes I’ve gone through to get from formatting the word document all the way through to the final print proof. Hopefully, it’ll be of some use to someone! I’ll only be looking at interior files, not covers. Covers are an entirely different story!

Choosing the Size

One of the first things you have to do is decide on the actual physical size of your paperback. One thing you will learn about me in this blog post is that I have a tendency to follow the BFI principle: brute force and ignorance. I do not always do research beforehand, and often find myself in a bit of a sticky mess. This time was no exception.

CreateSpace suggested to me that 6x9in was the most popular size, which may indeed be the truth! However, had I actually bothered to measure that, I would have realised it wasn’t right for my novel.

6x9in is the standard size for many non-fiction books and also hardback fiction books. Unless you’re writing one of these, I don’t suggest you use this size. It looks awkward and from the moment I saw it, I knew it didn’t “feel” right. Certainly not for the type of book I’m producing—a young adult fantasy novel.

My original proof next to a non-fiction book. Same size, just not the right one for my novel.

So, back to the drawing board I went to order my second proof. This time, I went for 5x8in, and this is a much more appropriate size!

It’s closer to the general paperback size than any of the others, and at nearly $5 a pop, PLUS shipping, I don’t want to experiment with any of the others. Thus, 5x8in it is.

Second proof beside the first Harry Potter in comparison – MUCH better choice of size!

Formatting the Margins

This is an extremely tedious task that takes a lot of patience. The issue that you’ll run up against is the guttering in the book (the fancy way of saying the insidey bit where the pages are bound and you can’t see the text). You really don’t want any of your words in the gutter, so it’s important to get it right.

To format your margins, you need to go to Layout > Margins > Custom Margins. There, you’ll be able to adjust each margin individually, which is really important! You can’t format all of your margins to exactly the same size, otherwise it won’t look right in print.


For my 5x8in, CreateSpace suggested a gutter of 0.625in as standard. When I formatted this, it didn’t look right. It was as if the gutter was too big, so I adjusted it a little to 0.55in and it looked a lot better on the online proof. Far less spare space, but still enough room for the gutter. Also, make sure your gutter is set to LEFT, not top.

CreateSpace interior viewer gives you a good idea of what your margins look like.

There are other margins to consider as well, of course. Your choices here will depend on how much space you want to have and how many words you’re trying to get on the page. The cost of a printed books is dependent on the amount of pages (duh), so if you want to reduce your page count without reducing your word count, change the size of your font and make your margins are small as possible.

Personally, I wanted to keep my words-per-page to about 250-300, because that’s pretty standard, and I don’t want the text to be too small. A lot of teenagers I teach are very put-off by small text in books. Thus, I didn’t want to bring the page count down too much by making the text too small.

My paperback comes in at 362 pages. It could be shorter if I made the margins bigger and the text smaller, but I don’t want to.

On the subject of pages, make sure you proof for unreasonably short pages. You may have to do a little bit of editing to reduce a paragraph to eliminate pages that only have one line, or perhaps one sentence on them!

The page on the left is completely wasted. I edited the paragraph before to fit it on the same page.

Chapter Divisions

It’s really important that you proof your chapter divisions very carefully. Every new chapter should be on a new page. I use Insert > Page Break to make sure this happens.

Mostly, chapters don’t start right at the top of the page. You need to decide how far down you want your chapter heading to be on the page. I usually set my font to Calibri 16, and then hit enter 6 times. That’s the line I write my ‘Chapter X’ heading on. I’ll then change my font size to 12, line spacing to 1.5, hit return, and type the name of my chapter (if I’m using chapter names).


One extremely important thing you MUST proof when you’re uploading to CreateSpace (or just looking through your Word document) is the chapter headings. You must consider:

1: Are they all consistently the same distance from the top of your page?

2: Are the fonts consistent?

3: Have there been any errors with your use of Insert > Page Break.

I often find that chapters shift and end up on the same page as the chapter previous. Alternatively, I end up with random blank pages in the middle of the book. You need to ensure you check every single chapter division.

Random blank page that needed to be removed.

Special Fonts

The signature font I use for my chapter headings and the title on my cover is a free for commercial use font called UnclassicQuill. This is not supported by CreateSpace, however, there’s a work around.

File > Options > Save, then tick the box that says ‘Embed fonts in file.’ That way, CreateSpace will be able to use them! A word of caution, though. If you’re using a special font, please read the terms and conditions and ensure it’s free for commercial use. If it’s not, you probably can’t use it if you’re making money from printed copies of your book.



If you can get someone to do this for you, DO! It is a lot of work, and takes a fair bit of tweaking. I’m pretty handy with computers and Word, but if you’re not, this might be a little difficult. However, if you want any additional help with your formatting, please feel free to get in contact with me! My email is ziv@zivgray.com.

Thanks, and good luck!